I am overhearing bits and pieces of a parent, swimmer and coach meeting that is being held in my office. I am hearing the parents say "we have been working on breaststroke", "we need to work on getting in the pool on time", we we we.
Parents, I hate to break it to you... it is not a we, it is just the swimmer. As much as parents want to feel like they are a part of the process this is your swimmer's journey. Just be a parent. Stay supportive, be the shoulder to cry on when it is needed, be a part of the celebration after best times, but this is not a we.
It is your swimmers time to shine (or not shine), do not take some of the glory (or defeat). Swimmers need to be able to take ownership of themselves. Both in the good and the bad. Remember, they have a coach- it is the coaches role to give pointers, when it is needed. Swimmers just need their parents to be "mom" and "dad".
Here are some other key points that parents should consider:
Make sure that you and your swimmers goals/expectations are realistic. It is best to establish goals that are time based and habit based. Meaning both based on times performed and improved habits. Goals should NOT be focused on beating another person. Guide your swimmer towards goals that allow them to excel and are achievable.
Provide positive encouragement, allow the coach and swimmer to work on "what went wrong" in a swim, you can try and focus on effort put forth by your swimmer and what they did well.
Communicate with coaches in a manner that is mature and positive. Do not bad-mouth coaches. Encourage your swimmer to be their own advocate, and that your swimmer feels comfortable approaching their coach on their own behalf. Allow your swimmer to gain trust in their coach and have a working relationship with their coach.
Similarly, balancing involvement and independence- as your swimmer matures in their swimming career, make sure you are not micromanaging. Allow your swimmer to learn and grow from their mistakes. Let them pack their own swim bags and make their own snacks. Allow them to learn their independence. Unless you plan to live in the college dorms with them when they go away, let the learn and grow. Both in life and in their swimming.
Love- Love your swimmer, through it all- the good, the bad, the ugly, the victories and the losses. Be there for them and let them know you are their #1 cheerleader, regardless of their swimming outcomes.
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